I could do anything… if only I knew what it was is the title of one of Barbara Sher’s books, a book that, as many Medium articles, youtube videos and existentialist memes, has given me great relief, as it perfectly describes my state of mind for the past two years.
I graduated in 2018 and ever since I’ve been stuck in what they call ‘Analysis Paralysis’, ‘Paradox of Choice’, ‘The too-many passions problem’, or as I call it, my own head.
I’ve seen endless videos about how to narrow down your options and focus, I’ve found comfort in the words of self-claimed ‘multipotentiates’, I have written down endless lists, organized and reorganized my life, trying to find the formula that would yield me a tailored career path, including all steps, and where to begin.
I would love to have someone come and tell me what I should do, because even though I seem to like so many different things, I’m not passionate enough about any so as to commit, at least for some years.
And let’s be honest, I even laugh at the fact that despite my intense internal fight, struggle for finding true purpose, looking for the meaning of my life… I haven’t really mastered any of the aforementioned skills, I still haven’t moved in any particular, concise direction at 24, and I still shield myself from recrimination using my past success.
I have written, composed, studied engineering, done research, sang in pubs, DJed, filmed a couple short films, studied design, crocheted multiple clothing items, and yet I feel the emptiness of having all these unstackable scattered pieces I’ve produced that are not getting me any closer to what I would presume takes the weight off your shoulders: your true calling.
I do work hard, I do create: I just can’t make sense out of it. I rock in place.
There’s so many successes I wish to achieve I forget in order to get there you must commit to the unbearable idea of working on the same thing every-single-day, and I find myself eternally hesitating at the intersection between mastering a path and going all the way, or letting myself unrestrainedly switch from passion to passion, day after day, year after year…